Source: PAN Vol. 1, Nr. 3, 1979
I had my first sexual contact with an older man in Rotterdam when I was fourteen… It was nothing more than each of us quickly masturbating each other, looking shyly around us. Once this corner was turned a lot of other experiences followed. I can’t say much about them, just sex and nothing more. One of the reasons nothing lasted was because the men were dead scared of being trapped. The initiative always came from me. I used to wear my shortest and cutest shorts and stroll across the market squares and through the busiest streets of Rotterdam until I saw someone I thought was ‘like that’ and then I allowed myself to be ‘seduced’. That went on until I was 17, when, for the first time, I fell in love with an older man and had a relationship with him for about eight months. That was the end of my fleeting contacts. I desired someting more than just sex.
I have no regrets about this period. I am only sorry that I never had what I was really looking for: an older friend with whom I could enjoy not only sex but all kinds of things, someone who would teach me about everything.