Translated by JUMIMA
Original German text
It is still like this today, and it was hardly any different when I was younger, in those early days of the internet: when you start out as a child or teenager, when you discover the internet for yourself, you’re always looking to satisfy the curiosity that is so typical of your age. And if you make the mistake of revealing your true age – it does not take long before you get more or less open offers from pedophiles, so-called boylovers (or girllovers).
Some of these men flattered me with great empathy, sincere interest, intelligent compliments – others were clumsy, vulgar, scared, disgusting, trying to deceive me, use me. Unfortunately, I only learned that both could happen almost simultaneously when it was too late …
First, however, I behaved like a Lolita and openly enjoyed the attention of these men, who indulged themselves entirely to their urges disguised as “boylove”. Even when I first consciously received this kind attention outside of the virtual world: in the form of Peter’s shy but clearly admiring looks – the beginning of our initially so harmless relationship.
Peter made no secret of the fact that he had a crush on me, that he was attracted to boys. But he was very different from the pedosexuals on the internet. It was not me that I had been caught in his net, but he had been caught in mine. He hadn’t even been out hunting when we met. I had caught him, attracted only by his good looks I had walked seemingly by chance past his house, even spoke to him at some point. Soon I tried to be his friend and be close to him.
And yet in the end it was he who seduced me (some would say raped) and not the other way around. I was the temptation he couldn’t resist. His intentions may have been the best. His actions were not.
Today I think a “good” pedophile is only the one who tries not to be one, even though this seems impossible in times of ever-new disclosures of abuse scandals and child porn rings. And yet: we should never judge people for what they feel, wish or think. But only for what they do.